


It Can Only Be You

by Sharing_a_room_with_an_open_fire, Theawkwardbibliophile



Series: Stories 10,001 - 20,000 words [4]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: AKA Simon accidentally roofies himself, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Awkward Simon Snow, Baz besides to agree to be Simon’s fake boyfriend, Baz is there to take care of him, Baz wants Penny to be his bro because she’s academically inclined, Best Friends, But is that enough?, Butter, Crush reversing spell, Dev and Niall don't know about Baz being in love with Simon, Dev and Niall have their own ideas, Dorks in Love, Dramatic Simon Snow, Dramatic Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Epic Bromance, Fake Dating, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gay Simon Snow, Gay Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Gentle Simon Snow, Getting Together, He thinks they are all friends, Humor, Idiots in Love, Love Potion/Spell, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Nothing bad will happen to Simon, Oblivious Simon Snow, Or not, POV Alternating, POV First Person, POV Shepard, POV Simon Snow, POV Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Penelope Bunce Knows, Penelope Bunce is a Good Friend, Penny and Shep are Simon’s ultimate bros, Penny and Shep know everything, Philippa Stainton is stalking Simon, Pining, Pining Simon Snow, Pining Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Plot, Plotting Simon Snow, Protective Simon Snow, Protective Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Renaissance Faires, Sad Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, See notes at the beginning of chapter 4, Shenanigans, Shep and Penny are together, Shep has good social skills, Shep is a good bro, Shepard is at Watford because of his tattoos, Simon Snow is Gay for Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Simon accidentally spilt the whole pouch with pixie dust in the edible charm, Simon doesn't know, Simon is a moron, Simon is scared of Philippa, Simon is very into Baz just doesn't get it so the usual, Simon needs Baz, SnowBaz, So that it can be easily skipped if it's a trigger, Soft Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, The part with Simon feeling lightheaded and tired is marked in the chapter, Tumblr Prompt, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch Is Gay for Simon Snow, Unrequited Crush, Watch, Watford Eighth Year, carry on sparks, just go with it, simpard
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:21:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24613699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sharing_a_room_with_an_open_fire/pseuds/Sharing_a_room_with_an_open_fire, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theawkwardbibliophile/pseuds/Theawkwardbibliophile
Summary: But this year, Baz isn't my biggest problem — not anymore.Philippa makes me want to jump into the moat and be eaten by the merwolves. That's how bad it's been…I don't get one second of peace and quiet with her lurking around me as if I was a warm sour cherry scone soaked in butter.A SnowBaz Fake Dating AU.Philippa Stainton never lost her voice and still has a huge crush on Simon. He is completely terrified of her constant stalking. (Who does that anyway?)Simon attempts to convince Baz to pretend to be his boyfriend. All the while Penny and Shep are trying to help with Philippa’s unfortunate crush.The reason Shep attends Watford for the final year is simple. His curse gave him magickal powers. (Just go with it.)Dev and Niall want their best friend to be happy and have their own plan for that.
Relationships: Dev & Niall & Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Penelope Bunce & Shepard, Penelope Bunce & Simon Snow, Penelope Bunce & Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch & Shepard & Simon Snow, Penelope Bunce/Shepard, Shepard & Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch & Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Series: Stories 10,001 - 20,000 words [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2101029
Comments: 60
Kudos: 130





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [imhellakitty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/imhellakitty/gifts).



> Hello, dear reader.  
>   
> After watching the show 2gether, we couldn't help but compare the similarities between Carry On and the show. We wondered what would happen if Philippa never lost her voice and still had a crush on Simon. (Like Green in 2gether) So we came up with this fic.  
>   
> Shepard attends Watford too because his tattoos gave him magickal powers. (Just go with it, we wanted Shep in this Watford era fic so we improvised.)  
> 
> 
> * * *
> 
> As always all the love in the world to the supportive friend and beta [mybluebucketofsnow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mybluebucketofsnow/pseuds/mybluebucketofsnow). The three of us always have so much fun in the google docs together.  
>   
> Dearest [imhellakitty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/imhellakitty/pseuds/imhellakitty) — as the new initiate into this world, we gift you with this story and hope you’ll enjoy it. 💙

# SIMON

I miss Watford every summer when I’m away at the care homes. Coming back is like coming home — I feel happy and complete.

Unfortunately, all those wonderful feelings evaporate because of the situation I find myself in. 

Catastrophe and hell on Earth aren't strong enough words to explain it.

If my hair wasn't this short, I'd consider pulling it out from frustration. I am already pulling on it though… So the length is obviously not helping the matter much.

You probably think my biggest issue is Baz. And of course he is. 

Baz spends all his time at Watford plotting against me. So I in return have to watch his every move and know his whereabouts at any given time. 

I have to do that in order to unravel his plots against me. And so, I constantly find myself thinking about him. 

That is what happens when you're sharing a room with someone who's whole life revolves around planning your murder. (The fact that he is a blood sucking git doesn't help).

Sometimes, I think about him while lying in my bed, remembering how his hair falls in lazy waves over his face when he’s sleeping. 

Truthfully, I'm not sure _yet_ what his hair has to do with him plotting but it must be significant since my brain keeps circling back to it. 

I've tried watching Baz and his hair late at night, after he comes back from the Catacombs, but it's too dark for me to see much. (I don't dare to put on the lights so as not to alert him to my spying.)

It's as if the night is working against me, siding with Baz, ensuring I can't get just a few glimpses of him.

When the moon is out, I do see more and can watch him sleep, the wayward strands of his hair spread on the cushion...

I dream about it every night, how I'd want to thread my fingers through his hair. Must be that even unconsciously I'm trying to uncover all his schemes… 

But this year, Baz isn't my biggest problem — not anymore.

Philippa makes me want to jump into the moat and be eaten by the merwolves. That's how bad it's been…

I don't get one second of peace and quiet with her lurking around me as if I was a warm sour cherry scone soaked in butter.

She has been following me around for a whole month now, since the damned day she claimed she is in love with me.

One day, Philippa tries to sneak in on me in the boys’ toilet.

 _“Philippa_ ,” I almost yelp when I see her. How did she get past the wards?

She smiles and I cringe. “Hi, Simon, I didn't know you were here,” she announces and looks me up and down.

You might call me prude if you want to, but I am definitely not comfortable with that display of interest. You don't see me skulking around, looking people up and down. 

I mean, I do that with Baz. That's different though, that is only due to his faul motives against me. I know, he wants nothing more than to finally kill me. The way he looks at me, his eyes say it all — he wants to jump me right here, right then.

Luckily Shepard stops her before she sees me in a compromising position. He’s an exchange student for our last year, from America. Some place called Omaha. It sounds fake but Penny assured me it is a real place.

Shep isn't a mage. But back in America a demon cursed him. 

I've seen his arms. They are covered with twisting black tattoos. Runes and numbers. Thorns. (No idea if the tattoos reach anywhere else and it seems rude to ask.) He always has his tattoos covered.

The curse inside them gives him magickal power for some reason. I still don't understand how certain things work in the World of Mages.

Father Christmas isn’t real but the Tooth Fairy _is_. Honestly, there's no rhyme or reason to this stuff.

And there isn’t a book about it either, is there? _All the Magickal Things that Are Actually True and All the Ones that Are Bollocks, Just Like You Thought._

By our second year I stopped questioning and just went along with it.

“Dude, there you are, I've been looking for you,” Shepard exclaims as he walks through the door. Then he looks at Philippa and back at me. 

“I think you left your book in Political Science. Want me to fetch it for you and make your day?” he continues, as if he didn’t just walk in at the most embarrassing scene.

Philippa almost jumps up in the air, “I'll get it for you, Simon. If it’ll make you happy. I’ll do anything for you..” 

“Um- Thank you,” I mumble and she leaves right away — scooting around, half jumping half dancing. I don't know how she manages that and honestly, I don't want to know either...

As soon as the door closes after Philippa I turn to Shepard, ”Are you sure this was a good idea? _What if_ —” I swallow nervously. 

I finally confess, “I don't know what she’ll do to my book…” 

Last time Philippa got her hands on something of mine, she left smudges of her magic induced lipstick all over that. 

(It was my school tie and Penny had to use _three_ different spells to get all the stains off.)

“Dude, don't worry,” he says and chuckles. “I was lying. Your book is in my backpack.”

“Thanks, Shep,” I exclaim in sheer glee and then add so he won't embarrass himself in front of other people, “It's called rucksack actually.”

He rolls his eyes, “Whatever, man… Your country is weird.”

I think it’s the other way around but I don't tell him that. 

Shep is a great friend. Penny agrees with me on that. In fact the two of them have gotten quite friendly with each other. 

Honestly, I couldn't be happier about that. Penny and Micah broke up over the summer and I was worried that she was going to have an awful last year. She seemed so sad at first. She isn't anymore. It's because she has both me and Shep to make her laugh. 

Unfortunately I can't be with her all the time since I'm busy being with Baz. I mean, making sure he is not plotting.

That's where Shep has been a true saviour. He keeps Penny occupied. She spends a lot of time with him in the library, researching his curse. 

* * *

Philippa likes watching me. She somehow always manages to show up wherever I am and stares at me. She's watching me eat right now from across the dining hall.

It's both unsettling and bothersome since I'm busy trying to understand if Baz is chewing his food or not. He usually doesn't eat anything. Just sits there, sipping his tea and plotting. But today he has cinnamon buns on his plate. And I’ve been staring at him long enough to know that he hasn't taken a single bite.

Does he ever eat or is it all for show? Is he trying to confuse me by putting something in his mouth?

If it weren't for Philippa I might have cracked this puzzle. Unfortunately, she’s always in the way.

And she’s creepy. Once Philippa tried to look inside my mouth. 

I have no idea why someone would ever want to do that. 

Obviously, I'd want to look inside Baz’s mouth or anywhere else I could. But that's different. It's because he's a vampire. I don't stalk him creepily. I stalk him out of moral obligation. 

Why Philippa stalks _me_ is beyond my understanding…

Has someone given her a love potion to make her fall in love with me? 

If so, then I think it must be Baz. Is this his new plot or has he done it to mess with me? Does he think this will keep me off his track? well, he's wrong. _Nothing_ can keep me out of his track. 

Although I haven't had enough time to follow Baz around properly (to make sure he's not plotting) because I spend all my time trying to hide from Philippa.

“I think Baz might have spiked Philippa’s food with a love potion so I won't be able to uncover his evil schemes,” I tell Penny and Shep during afternoon tea.

Shep looks confused, “What schemes?”

Before I get to answer and explain in detail what exactly I'm talking about, Penny cuts in, “You know how Basil watches Simon intently from across the dining hall?”

Shepard nods enthusiastically, “Oh, yeah, I've seen it, alright. Unbelievably transparent if you ask me.” So he has noticed it too, has he, that Baz wants to kill me? _Good_.

“Exactly,” Penny nods and then turns to me. ”Philippa has been into you since fifth year, Simon. There’s no love potion.”

“ _What_?” I accidentally scream and spill my tea everywhere. That can't be true. I would have known that. My observation skills are outstanding. I pay attention to every little thing Baz does and how he looks on any given day.

“I'm not surprised that you haven't noticed, Simon.” Penny says while making some weird face that sends Shepard laughing and coughing. 

“Sorry... man.” Although he’s apologizing, he doesn't really look sorry for some reason.

I have no idea what Penny is referring to since I have an excellent eye for details. I watch Baz every day and can recall everything about him. No one knows him better than I do.

So, Philippa is acting this way of free volition. It's worse than I thought…

_How do I get free from her?_

Just as I'm thinking about that, she runs over to us.

“Siiimooooon, here,” Philippa offers me another cup of tea. “I saw you spill yours.”

“Thank you so much,” I say and gingerly take the cup, hoping it's not covered in her magical lipstick. I'm worried to get it on my uniform. Penny might not help me magick them away this time.

This. Needs. To. Stop!

What am I to do? Then I look over at Baz. He's still drinking tea with his minions — Niall and Dev, smirking amongst themselves. Baz’s hair looks particularly pretty today. Few escaped strands falling lazily across his forehead. I blush at how good his hair looks. I'm obviously envious of that.

Suddenly I get _a brilliant idea..._ or a stupid one (because he will _never_ say yes). 

But then Baz stands up before I can think it through and I find myself standing up with him. 

I catch up with him just as he's about to walk through the entrance of the dining hall and grab his arm.

“ _Baz_ —"

He hisses and turns around to look down at me. His legs are longer than mine; that’s where all his height is.

“What do you think you're doing, Snow?” 

Baz pulls his arm away before I could let go and starts dusting off his sleeves. “Your hands are covered in crumbs. This suit doesn't deserve that kind of treatment.”

I shrug. “It's not a suit, it's just a uniform”. He sneers back at me and tells me something. I can't hear what exactly because I get distracted following his movements. Baz has really nice arms. All toned down and fit. 

“ _Snow_ ,” he repeats and I jerk my head up.

"Baz—” I try to focus on his face instead of his arms. “I need to talk to you.”

“But _I_ don't," he declares with a sneer and just walks away; without even giving me a second glance.

What an annoying git. 

He’s never going to agree is he? Unless...

I could make him an offer he can't refuse…

Maybe if I promise not to tell anyone he's a vampire, he’ll do it.

# BAZ

Snow follows me around as if it was his extracurricular activity at school. Does he get extra points every time he accosts me when I least expect him to?

Was Snow checking me out earlier? He used my name — twice. Usually he avoids saying it. 

Snow also _touched_ _me_ , well my sleeve. And his eyes kept flickering back to my arms. I traced it with my fingers on pretences of brushing whatever crumbs he left on me.

There weren't any. Which was probably for the best. I might have saved them all as a souvenir. (Because I'm disturbed. Ask anyone.) 

* * *

# SIMON

Eventually, I find Baz again right before he goes down to the Catacombs. I follow him there, (he would not be able to deny me if I catch him in the act). 

I try to be careful since I don’t want Philippa to find out anything about Baz and his usual whereabouts. 

Frankly, I'm also worried she might start to fancy him and I can not let that happen. What if they _get together_? It's too dangerous. Who knows what Philippa is capable of? Baz might get hurt. 

Obviously, she hasn’t exactly done anything too harmful yet (except for the lipstick) but you never know with her... I won't risk Baz’s life for an unknown factor. I want to end him by myself during a fair fight. I don't _want_ to kill him but I will _have_ to do that the day he tries to kill me.

I follow him all the way down. I haven't been here since fifth year. It's dark in here. But I think Baz knows that I'm following him. So I'm not afraid of getting lost. 

Just as I guessed, Baz turns around when we're half way from the entrance and sneers at me, his lips curling, his perfect set of teeth showing

It's a whole show and I can't look away from his mouth...

“What should someone do to get a single moment of solitude around you, Snow?” I know he must be annoyed with me but he doesn't sound annoyed. _Amused_ maybe. There seems to be many emotions in his voice. It's even a bit warm. 

“I _need_ to talk to you,” I make sure to precise this time.

Baz sneers again. “It’s… It's important,” my voice sounds almost pleading and I hope he’ll listen.

# BAZ

I raise my chin. “Talk, then.”

Snow blushes. I don't look away. It's dark in here. I could see his face much clearer than he could see mine. 

For a moment—not even a moment, a split second—I imagine him saying, _“The truth is, I’m desperately attracted to you.”_

There are many possible reactions to that statement, both rash and less so. (However, all of them end up with us snogging.)

Snow swallows and I follow the movement with my eyes. It shouldn't look this beautiful but it does because it’s _him_.

Finally he speaks, still rosy cheeked, “I don't know if you have noticed... But Philippa has been following me around.”

Oh, I've noticed — the whole school has. 

Philippa Stainton is constantly running after Snow, embarrassing herself. (She doesn't leave him alone, even though he clearly isn't interested.)

I might sound harsh. But I know where it comes from. Mostly I simply feel bad for her. Simon Snow is capricious with his attention. She’ll never get what she’s looking for.

“What does that have to do with me?” I inquire and I do wish to know. It can't be anything good, can it? Perhaps even if Snow isn't interested in her, he’ll still threaten me to stay away from Philippa bloody Stainton. Not that I would attempt to come between them even if they were together, I'm done trying to get his attention.

He looks down as he speaks, “I want you to pretend to be my boyfriend so Philippa leaves me alone.”

Oh _._

That explains the blush. 

For a moment I feel disappointed. And then annoyed.

Of course it wasn't about _us_. What else should I have expected from him? He doesn't care about me, he never will. 

My mere existence is an inconvenience for Snow. 

We're standing so close right now but the distance has never felt as great. 

He’d rather die than be _with_ me, rather kill me if I ever dare to kiss him. Snow can't even be civil with me. 

There are times I wonder who he hates the most — the Humdrum or me. Perhaps it's a tie. I try not to let it bother me — his disdain. After all, I'm used to it by now. 

Fifth year me might have sobbed by my mother’s grave about this whole exchange. However, I have a better control on my emotions nowadays. He already broke my heart. I can survive this conversation and his hatred.

One day Snow is going to put me out of my misery. Coming to terms with that made me immune to most of his stabs at me. But another thought hits me. Regardless of all that, Simon came to _me_ with this. He must trust me enough.

Even though we aren't close, not even remotely, still I want to give him good advice, to tell him to just talk to the poor girl. “You don't need that,” I say and he interrupts me.

“Yes, I do and in return I won't tell anyone that you're a vampire.”

My breath hitches. So that's the real reason he came to me. 

I'm a bit taken aback. I should have expected this. Unfortunately, I was too busy looking out for Snow that I didn't realize he was capable of throwing this in my face; all simply to make me abide by his plans. 

Simon bloody Snow.

# SIMON

Baz narrows his eyes on me. It's too dark in here to see his face clearly. But his face is expressionless again — like a mask. I can tell that much.

“If I indeed was a vampire like you claim me to be, you would be dead by now,” he announces and his voice is ice cold.

“But—” I want to argue because Baz might be very strong but I have the Sword of Mages. He’s not a match for me and he knows it. 

He looks in my eyes and spits out, “I would rather set myself on fire than pretend to be your boyfriend.” And sneers at me again.

I tell him to sod off and leave. 

He can go to hell, him and his dramatic arse. 

Instead, I decide to find Penny and tell her what happened. I hope she might come up with a better plan. 

I make my way to the library because that's where she would be right now. She and Shep spend late nights at the library doing their research — at least four times a week.

The library seems to be empty and it's dark everywhere except for the section in the far right corner. Did they fall asleep doing their research? It could happen. However as I get closer I start to hear weird noises coming from the aisle. So I summon the sword of mages by instinct. 

Of course, goblins cannot get inside Watford’s gates but who knows what creature The Humdrum could have sent. I hear the sound of racks rattling. Before I could rush to the aisle I trip and fall down, alerting whatever is on the other side of my presence. 

First I hear footsteps and then a familiar voice, “Simon, what are you doing here?” 

“Penny! Penny!! You are here,” I yell and exhale in relief. “I heard some noises. Are you okay?” Penny nods and I see Shep rushing forward. “Shep you're also here.”

He helps me to get up. “Someone must’ve spelled this place, I tripped down over thin air,” I complain.

“ _Simon_.” Penny puts both her hands on her hips, “We all know how clumsy you are; you could’ve tripped down on your own foot.'' 

I guess it's true. Besides, Penny is always right. Now that I'm up and have regained my footing, I notice that they both seem very tired. If I didn't know any better I’d think they've just run a marathon. 

Penny’s hair is a mess and Shepard’s jacket is off, their faces are flush and they are breathing shallow. 

Shep has some kind of rash on his neck and another just over his collarbone. It's probably from a spell Penny used to try and remove the curse.

Like I said I'm quite observant. They must've found out something about his curse.That is why Shep took off his jacket — to double check his tattoos. 

I'm not surprised that they are exhausted after doing research for such a long period of time. They spent hours at the library, until closing time. Usually they are the only two people left. It makes it easier on their task I think. No one getting in the way.

And that is why they look so dishevelled. I smile to myself. I never really miss a thing. So I go on and tell her what happened with Baz. 

“We will figure out what to do, Simon. Basil will agree,” she consoles me. I can always trust Penny.

Shep puts his hand on my shoulder and nods in agreement, “We’ve got this, dude. Your guy will come through.” It's reassuring that the both of them will help.

How hard is it for Baz to be my boyfriend? I mean, _fake_ boyfriend.

I'm not ready to give up yet. With the help of my best friends I'll find another way out of this.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic has gotten a lot of inspiration from [ carryonsparks](https://carryonsparks.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr, who started an amazing project to help with creativity.  
>   
> In chapter one we used the prompts **butter** , **watch** and **plot**.


	2. Chapter 2

# BAZ

I've kept myself well occupied since yesterday, after the incident in the catacombs. I did not give Snow a chance to have a conversation with me about his great manoeuvres.

I wonder what goes on inside of his head? Why would he ask me to pretend to be his fake boyfriend? Me, his sworn nemesis, as he so eloquently puts it; even though neither of us has taken an oath. (Not to my knowledge at the very least.)

For a split second, I wonder if Snow likes me. If I’ve been making a fool out of myself thinking my love is unrequited. Which is as foolish as thinking I’m alive. I remind myself that Snow detests me, and I always made sure that it remains that way.

It's been so long since I last saw him and the feeling of unease is creeping into me. Did he think I rejected him? Did I accidentally hurt his feelings?

It's the last thing I want and even the thought of it is breaking my undead heart; what if he really fancies me and came to me under the ruse of wanting a fake boyfriend? And now I’ve hurt him too much?

I need to find Simon right this moment and tell him everything. Well… Perhaps not everything, not at first. There are too many feelings inside my undead heart for him to handle. I wouldn’t want to overwhelm Simon.

No, I could start with saying that I fancy him, a lot even. Surely, I could go _that_ far.

I decide to head downstairs for afternoon tea with hopes that he will be there. I hear Niall and Dev laughing on the ground floor, “Snow has finally discovered Philippa Stainton’s obsession with him.” Niall informs Dev with a snort.

“It took him three years. How oblivious can a person be?” Dev goes on.

“I'm surprised he hasn't asked someone to pretend to be his girlfriend yet, so Philippa will leave him alone if he's already in a relationship.”

My heart stops as I hear them both laughing and the conversation continue, “I wouldn't put it past him. I hope he doesn't blame Baz for this.” 

“He might. Snow will probably assume Baz made Phillipa do this. He blames Baz for _everything_. It just shows how much Snow despises him after all.” 

As I listen to this, the bitter reality sinks into me. My undead heart contracts uncomfortably. Of course, Snow doesn't fancy me. I'm a moron for thinking that would ever be possible. Yet again I let myself hope for something more, too blind to see it for what it really is. 

I wait by the stairs so they’ll pass first. The last thing I want is to be dragged into this conversation. It’d be too painful.

All the thoughts of confessing to Snow, or even telling him that I fancy him, disappears after what I heard.

Even Dev and Niall know that Snow hates me. It wasn't all in my head after all. I should have realized that myself. I should not have let my feelings to him and my concern over him cloud my judgment. It turns out I am weak. Never again. 

When I'm certain Niall and Dev are already at the dining hall, I continue down the stairs as if I haven't heard them, trying to wild my undead heart into utter uninterest towards Simon Snow. (I know very well by now that the battle was lost before it even began.)

I pour myself a glass of milk and pick up an apple. I don't like eating in front of people. My fangs tend to pop out. I still don't know where they go when they're not out. And I’m fairly sure I don't want to know.

In the end, I still sit beside Niall and Dev, seeing that they are my best friends, and I can’t avoid them forever. Niall nods at me as he goes on about something with Dev.

Out of a habit I glance around to find Snow, at least to look at him for a bit, which seems like the only thing I’ll ever be allowed to do. In truth watching him might as well be another torture. Yet I am too powerless against it.

Snow is an open flame. I am well aware that if I come too close, I will burn. Despite that, I am still foolish enough to play with fire. I blame my sure magician’s blood for it. 

Snow isn't in his usual spot with Bunce and the American.Did he already have his tea? It's not like him to miss his meals. I wonder where he went.

I realise I've been staring at Snow's usual spot for too long when Niall comments, “Ah, you seem to be very interested in the American, Baz.” Dev sniggers. 

I sneer at them both, “Just because I'm interested in men doesn't mean I fancy every good looking bloke I lay my eyes upon.”

Dev laughs, “So you admit that Shepard is fit? That's step one.”

I raise my eyebrow at him, “Step one in what exactly?”

“For attraction to evolve, obviously — into love,” he drags the syllable out as he speaks. I can't believe we're related. 

“Dev, even though you have a penchant for falling in love every second weekend, that doesn’t mean I do,” I try not to state that as an accusation. In truth, some part of me envies Dev. At times, I wish things were that easy for me; that love was a fleeting thing, interchangeable, that my heart would never break. 

“Yes, the American _is_ fit. And yet I’m not interested in him. I'll let you know when that will happen.” I add that last bit with a pointed look. Dev laughs it off.

Niall gasps and pretends to make a show out of being shocked, “Don't tell me Baz, that you were looking for Snow?” Before I can respond to Niall, Dev butts in, “Is it true that you set up Philippa to follow him around?”

Niall chips in, “Is this another one of your schemes to mess with him?”

“What parts have we got? Can we join in?” 

“Or is it like that time when you pushed Snow down the stairs without even hinting it to us first?” Niall almost looks heartbroken at that, as if I have actively excluded them. Except there were no dark schemes. Half of the plots I've gone through over the years were to make Snow notice me. (It clearly hasn't worked, not in the way I intended.)

Internally, I roll my eyes. Snow is obviously not the least oblivious person around here. Dev and Niall have known me for more than a decade. Dev is my cousin. However, they have no clue that I'm in love with Snow, or that I'm a living dead creature. (Technically half-dead on a good day.) 

Everyone believes that I pushed Snow down the stairs. I only lied about doing that to my aunt Fiona. The rest of the school simply assumed it to be true after Snow made all his necessary announcements, as in complaining to anyone who’d listen.

I suppose it's my own fault, isn't it? Him always assuming the worst about me. Every time I try to get close to Snow, it always ends up with him hating me more. 

I sneer at them and get up to head to our room. If Snow isn't here it's not worth spending my time pretending to eat. I glance towards his table one last time to make sure he isn't there.

Bunce and the American are giggling at something. Yes, Bunce is _giggling_. They are clearly flirting with each other or maybe even more than that. I bet Snow has no clue about it either.

* * *

When I’m walking through the grounds later that day, I spot Bunce and the American unabashedly snogging on a bench in the remote corner of the lawn. 

Well then. My suspicions were clearly correct.

They are startled when they see me, “Basil!” Bunce exclaims with what I am assuming is the intimidating voice she uses on Snow. “Don’t tell Simon.”

I raise my eyebrow at her in question. _Interesting_. “Oh?”

“We want to tell him ourselves when the time is right,” she says and looks over at Shepard. 

He nods, “Yeah, man, don’t tell him.” He looks a bit guilty and adds, “we were all supposed to be friends, so it might come as a shock…”

“No worries, _man_ ,” I strain out the weird American expression. What’s next? Will Shepard start calling me ‘a bro’? That is an interesting term. And in truth, (even though I will never admit to it out loud.)

I may not be appalled to be called someone’s bro, especially if that someone is academically inclined as I am. I give Bunce a glance — she’d make an excellent ’bro’. Shepard too. (I am not planning on telling either of them that.)

Dev and Niall are my best friends. However, their uninterest in academia makes it hard at times to engage them in a delightful scholarly conversation. I wonder if Snow appreciates Bunce. I am startled from my thoughts by one odd detail from what the American just said. There is something puzzling about that.

“Snow was dating Wellbelove when the three of you were friends,” I look at Bunce. 

She huffs at me, “That’s different, Simon and Agatha were never…” she goes suddenly quiet. “Just don’t tell Simon, Basil. I’ll curse you if you do.”

I look her dead in the eye, ”You can try.” Then I turn around and wave my hand on them, “Don’t worry. I never bother with idle gossip.”

Once I get to our room I decide to do some reading for Political Science. I don't need to feed today. Once every two days is enough to make me get through. Just as I start reading I hear loud footsteps on the stairs.

 _Simon_.

He bangs the door open and drags himself in. He has not been anywhere around me since yesterday evening. He disappeared right after lunch. 

I watch him as he stumbles into the room with leaves and mud tracks all over him.

Was he on a mission for the Mage again? It can't be. I saw him attending our classes. Usually, Snow disappears for more than a week when he's on a mission. I spend my nights staring at his empty bed. Watford is my home. More than the other one has ever been.

And yet when Simon is not here, it always feels like a part of me is missing. Like all the blood in this world wouldn't quench my thirst. Snow has a way of always appearing whenever I'm about to fall off the deep end. 

What has the Mage made him do now? I feel myself seething with anger. Did he make Simon hunt around Watford as he did in his sixth year? The Mage makes me want to tear him apart with all the things he does to Snow. He's just a _boy_.

“What are you staring at?” He growls at me.

“Did a goblin find you, Snow or were you hunting for the hare again?” Snow twists his face in a weird angle, which makes me understand that he's trying to sneer at me. But of course, he doesn’t know how to do that.

“I had to hide out in the Wavering Wood from Philippa bloody Stainton. She wouldn't leave me alone.” A bitter sigh escapes his lips.

He throws his shoes away into the corner and begins to remove his jacket. I don't have to worry about him getting naked considering we never change in front of each other. Regardless, I look away — his muscles keep straining ridiculously under his white shirt and I find it difficult to breathe.

I worry he’ll notice so I bark at him, "Well thanks to Philippa I finally got some time alone."

"Fuck off, Baz." Snow sounds tired when he says it. He's already got so much to deal with. The Mage, the Humdrum, the war against our families.

Why doesn't he refuse her? Or make Philippa understand he doesn't want to do this? Of course he wouldn't. He’s Simon Snow — the golden boy. He would rather put himself in danger and run away from her instead of hurting her with a rejection.

Obviously, Snow has no such reservations where I am concerned. He would probably run a stake through my heart and put me out of my misery if I confessed my undying love for him. Because I’m a bloke and a vampire. Because I am Pitch. Because that’s him and _me_.

“None of this would be happening to me if you just agreed to be my fake boyfriend,” he continues quietly. “Can you help me at least once? Or is it that hard for you?”

I feel bad for Snow, my foolish undead heart throbbing.

It's one thing when I'm the one annoying him, especially since the feeling is mutual — he torments me as well... Yet it's different when it's someone else. And even worse than that, I think I might even get _jealous_. 

Pretending to be his boyfriend would mean spending time with him and being closer to him. And I am afraid of that. This is exactly why I am putting up with the act of taunting him. To protect myself from the pain. To keep a distance from the fire that would inevitably consume me one day.

“Why are you asking me and not somebody else?” It's beyond pathetic that I still cling to fruitless hope.

“Because, it can only be you,” he says without missing a beat, his eyes widen and he goes scarlet.

And I'm unable to look away from him.

# SIMON

I don't think I should have told Baz that. Now he'll think I fancy him which I obviously don't. 

Why would I like Baz? Just because he’s the smartest, fittest and overall perfect doesn't mean I like him. While discovering his plots I spend all my days watching him, thinking about him and sometimes dreaming about him and about touching his hair and maybe more…

Sometimes it's not even during a dream, sometimes I just sit around and think about sliding my fingers through his silky black hair and scoot closer to him...

Where was I? Oh, yeah none of that is a reason at all for me to fancy him. Also, I'm not even gay. 

I need a good save from this situation. Baz can never suspect that I fancy him. I mean, I don't _obviously_. Still, better to make sure he doesn't. 

# BAZ

My undead heart skipped a beat. I'm about to tell him that yes, I'll do it, I'll do anything for him. (I'm going to leave ‘anything’ out though so as not to appear too desperate.) 

However, just as I'm on the verge of answering, Snow adds, “She doesn't really think you are a vampire but she might still be afraid of you.”

Of course. 

Simon bloody Snow uses me as the villain _again_. Out of all things I hoped for, this is what I get. Maybe this is as far as I can get — _Simon Snow's evil fake boyfriend._ I could never be more than that to him. Crowley, I would've jumped at this opportunity if he didn't bring up that right now.

I almost got my hopes up, haven't I? I should be surprised; except nothing should surprise me about him anymore. He's been trying to convince everyone that I'm a vampire since our fifth year after all. 

_I never hurt anyone in my entire life, you imbecile_ , _you’re the one who slew a dragon_ is what I wish to tell him. I don't. 

“I'm in no mood of playing your childish games, Snow,” I sneer at him and put as much venom as possible into my words. ”I have better things to do with my time.” 

I need to get away from Snow before I blurt out something stupid. I rush out of the room and find my way to the Catacombs. This place has been my sanctuary for so long that once I get down here the darkness comforts me. 

I keep walking the familiar path until I reach my mother's tomb. I sit down beside it and the tears start flowing freely. Simon Snow.

After all the pressuring and begging, the reason he wanted me to be his fake boyfriend is since he assumed Philippa would be _afraid_ of me. He sees me for the monster I truly am. While I almost _trusted_ Snow with my heart.

# SIMON

It was a good save but Baz still refused… What should I do to make him agree? 

* * *

Next day, at breakfast, I complain about Philippa trying to follow me into the restroom, to Shep and Penny.

Shep looks at me, surprised, “But she’s good-looking.”

“So?”

He looks me dead in the eyes, “They say hot and crazy is the best combination, bro.”

Penny rolls her eyes and goes back to her book. Shep looks at her, and swallows nervously for some reason. (I don't think she's noticed.)

“Best combination for what exactly? Get kidnapped and kept in a bloody coffin?” I ask because Philippa sure seems like the type. And, honestly, I'm starting to get worried. I try to avoid going out during the evening. Just in case, as a precaution. 

Penny snorts, “Don't worry, Simon. I've got you.”

“How?” I am afraid to get my hopes up. However, Penny always comes up with the most brilliant ideas. So I trust her.

Penny peers at me through the glasses, “Shepard told me that there’s a faire in the village this weekend.”

Shep chips in, “Yeah, faire, let's all go."

Penny and Shep keep talking about the faire and I turn around to look at Baz. To make sure he's still there.

His hair looks particularly silky today. I've been thinking about that all day yesterday. It's such a shame I can't touch his hair or him for that matter. Every fibre of my body practically screams for that. It's because we're enemies.

I think that is how it feels to be in a nemesis relationship. 

“Simon,” Penny smiles at me. “If you do everything according to my instructions, the next day Philippa won't be in love with you anymore.” 

I hardly register what Penny is saying because Baz leaves the dining hall and I have to know where he’s headed. 

”That's great, Penny. I see you guys in class,” I mumble and hurry after Baz. 

Unfortunately, he’s nowhere to be found.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear reader, we hope you're enjoying our silly SnowBaz and Shenny fun.  
>   
> It has been pointed out to us that not everyone gets the **bro joke**. Here’s a link to [ Sharing_a_room_with_an_open_fire’s](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sharing_a_room_with_an_open_fire) collection of short bromance stories. (Not romance.) — [Simpard and Shaz](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1779220). (Each fic 200 words, except for the last one that is 400 words.)
> 
> * * *
> 
> For this chapter we used prompt **connection** alongside **watch** and **plot** from [ carryonsparks](https://carryonsparks.tumblr.com/) prompts on Tumblr.


	3. Chapter 3

# SIMON

Baz was avoiding me all day yesterday. I hope I get to see more of him today. (Not only during class.)

It would have been easier to find Baz if I wasn't so busy hiding from Philippa. I still don't understand why he can't just be my boyfriend. I mean, fake boyfriend.

Everything would have been better then.

It is becoming harder every day to ignore Philippa. She has been trailing me everywhere I go. I try to avoid her by going to places where she wouldn’t follow me. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work out.

Philippa has little interest in my personal boundaries nowadays. Not that she had much, to begin with, had she?

In some ways, I am used to that. Being the Chosen One means you get less of anything personal because you're too busy trying to save others. ,

However, Philippa and her stalking is a whole other story. I honestly can not understand why a person would do something like that.

Thankfully, I have Penny. She promised to come up with a brilliant plan regarding Philippa. She didn't say ’ brilliant’ herself, but I never doubt her cunning intellect.

All the time she spends with Shepard does turn out to be very worthwhile even if it's not useful enough to break Shepard's curse _yet_.

Regardless, Penny will find a cure for Shep sooner or later. They've started spending more time at the library these days just to find a solution to my current imminent problem — Philippa and her relentless following after me.

As soon as I sit down for breakfast in our usual spot with Penny and Shep, Penny hands me something, ”Here, Simon.”

I take it. It turns out to be a tiny blue pouch with golden stars on it. It has golden strings attached and looks like something that contains valuable things.

”Why are you giving me this?” I ask perplexed. ”Is this related to some mission?”

That’d be odd. The Mage prefers handing me things directly than giving them out through other people. And he hasn't contacted me yet.

Now that I think of it I haven't seen him since the beginning of the term. I do not know where the Mage lives when he is not at Watford.

When I was younger, I thought he lived in the woods, eating nuts and berries and sleeping in badger dens like a fucking Tarzan.

Penny rolls her eyes, ”It's not about a mission. We talked about this yesterday, Simon,” Penny says, and she looks annoyed.

Yesterday I was looking for Baz after speaking to Penny and Shep. And then when I couldn't find him, I was thinking about him.

Sometimes keeping an eye on Baz gets me too distracted. Well, _always_ might be the correct word. As long as Baz is involved, I lose track of everything else that isn't him.

Penny chews on a piece of bacon before speaking again. ”This is the solution in regards to Philippa."

It's hard to pay much attention to her because I start thinking about Baz, and look around the dining hall.

Ha! Just like I thought — he is nowhere to be found. He never comes to the dining hall when they serve bacon. I need to find out why. Is that a Vampire thing?

" _Simon_ ," I hear Penny's voice and snap my attention back to her. ”It solves all your problems. Why aren't you more excited?”

I don't like it when she interrupts me during my greatest mission ever — discovering more about Baz and getting to know him better.

I enjoy finding out new things about him and his personality. Not in a creepy way, like Philippa does to me. (I'm simply determined to figure out all his plots. That's all.)

"What are you on about? What can a pouch possibly do, Penny?"

I am getting annoyed at her now. Both because I need more time to concentrate on Baz at the moment and also because I want a real solution. An end to this madness that is happening with Philippa.

How am I to follow Baz around when she is following _me_? I've hardly seen him, and it's been putting me on edge. What if he is plotting something big? (He’s always scheming.)

"Simon," Penny says patiently. "You weren't listening to a single word that I was saying right now, were you?"

I feel the blood rush to my cheeks. She's right; I wasn't. That happens every time I think about Baz — I lose any capability of paying attention to my surroundings. He's my biggest weakness. I need to be careful and on my toes whenever he's around so that I don't get caught offhanded by his schemes.

If someone were to attack me while my mind is in deep thoughts about Baz, I wouldn’t even notice until they chop my head off. (When I think about it, probably not everyone attacks with a sword. That might just be me.)

Penny rolls her eyes and stares at me sternly before saying, "Here are two lavender shortbreads. I have used the crush reversing spell on them."

I try to chew on a piece of my bacon butty and swallow before practically yelling, "A crush reversing spell?" Is that even possible? A different question comes to mind. Have we spoken about this? Must be while my mind was preoccupied with Baz.

Shep snorts for some reason. ”You were trying to figure out where your guy went yesterday, so you probably forgot Penny explaining her plan.”

I'm grateful to Shepard for clarifying things even though I don't like it when he calls Baz _mine_. (Baz hates me.)

I nod, ”Yeah, sorry, Pen. I have a lot on my plate.”

”Simon is just busy checking in on his guy, that's understandable,” Shep announces encouragingly. ”Did you find him?”

I look over at Penny. ”I have a quota on how much I'm allowed to discuss Baz.”

”And your quota is almost up already. Do you want to waste it on this?” Penny can be very strict when she wants to.

”Probably not,” I mumble disappointed.

Shepherd chimes in. ”Don't worry, dude, you can tell _me_ all about your guy.”

Penny goes on before I get to answer, "Later, Shepard. Now, Simon, you are familiar with a ’Love spell’, right?”

”Of course, I am. I was the one who suggested that perhaps Baz used it on Philippa to distract me from his evil plots,” I point out and try to raise my eyebrow like Penny (and Baz) do. It doesn't work.

I wonder if it's an evil trait, not everyone possesses. Penny is not evil, like Baz is. But, if she ever decided to be — she’d make a terrifying supervillain like Brainiac. With her genius computer-like mind she'd probably be harder than the Humdrum to defeat. Even the thought is scary.

”Dude, I think if Baz were to use one of those _Love spells_ ,” Shep always highlights magic-related words as he speaks, ”It wouldn't have been Philippa he used it on.”

Both Shepard and Penny chuckle. I'm not sure why it's so funny.

He means Agatha. Baz would try to get her to become interested in him. Not like he needs that anyway. Agatha is into him as it is.

She's been responding to his flirting since fifth year. (Drove me mad with jealousy.)

”How about we get back on track?” Penny asks, looking straight into Shep’s eyes. It comes out as an order more than anything. Penny is pretty bossy. (Or is she using her energy manipulation power like Brainiac?)

I wonder why Shepard never minds. He just smiles wide at her.

He's an excellent friend to Penny. Even I don't have the patience for her brand of asserting sometimes.

She looks over at me, ”This spell is similar to that. I'm not going to walk you through the history and magickal science of it all.”

Thank Merlin for that. I am not as interested in history as Penny is. The Mage says the past doesn't matter, and we need to focus on the modern world. That's why we don't have any magickal books at the library. The Mage doesn't want us to get confused.

Besides, I'm not very interested in history. I have none after all.

I love both magic and school. My grades aren't too bad. They would have been much better if I wasn't away on so many missions. But school is a privilege. And the Mage took me in. I have to do what he says.

However, it doesn't mean I enjoy Penny’s tiring tirade about history and magickal science.

”If someone has a crush on you, the spell reverses it when the person eats the charm,” she explains further. ”But. And this is very important, Simon. It only works if the person they have a crush on gives it to them.”

Oh. The person Philippa has a crush on.

 _Me_ , that's me. I'm trying to pay attention to Penny instead of day-dreaming about Baz. (I mean his plots against me.)

”I guess that makes sense,” I say. Because it does, even if I don't know how everything works in the World of Mages. (No one has ever taught me that.)

Penny nods at me approvingly. ”Yes. There is one more condition, though. It only works if it's a simple crush. But if Phillipa is in love with you—“ Penny makes a meaningful pause, “Well, then we need to think of something else."

By ’we’ Penny means herself. Between the three of us, she is the only one raised with magic.

"So I need to give Philippa the lavender shortbread?" I clarify in case my mind accidentally drifted off towards Baz again.

And while thinking of food, my thoughts wander to scones. Baz usually tells me that I could probably eat all the scones made for the whole school by myself. That bastard. Baz always goes for the lowest blow.

He barely eats anything at all. Just sits in the dining hall and stares at his plate with concentration and in deep thoughts. I'm confident that he only comes to meals so that I'll look at him and know that he's plotting.

Baz always looks at me, too, to make sure I’m watching.

" _Simon_." Penny snaps her fingers in front of my face.

I try to refocus on her. "Penny, did you notice that Baz is never here when they serve bacon?"

Penny stares at me in the kind of threatening way only she is capable of doing. It sends a terrifying shiver down my spine whenever she does that. I must've missed what she said _again_.

Penny truly doesn't need words to get her point across. If looks could speak or kill. Well, as previously stated, Penny and Baz could have a competition about the most disapproving glare, and I'm not even sure who the winner might be.

I put down my scone on the empty plate and turn to face her.

She continues, “There is one last condition for the reversing spell to work. The person who eats it has to fall asleep within a few hours of consuming it.”

”Why?” I ask. That sounds weird.

”That is how magic will work. The spell has to alter the person’s thoughts inside their dreams, Simon. There is only so much time for it to work. Magic isn't _usually_ limitless,” she says, and I know Penny means that _my_ magic is. That's the only thing I have going for me, though since I can hardly control my magic.

”Which brings me to the tricky part, I’m going to give you some pixie dust, Simon. You need to sprinkle a tad of pixie dust on the lavender shortbread to activate the crush reversing spell.” Penny stares down at me to make sure I am listening to what she says.

I am. It just happens that I lose my train of thought while watching Baz or thinking about him.

”That is why you present Philippa with pixie dust sprinkled lavender shortbread just before leaving the faire.”

”What? Why wait for so long?” I exclaim.

What if she attacks me or worse tries to kiss me?

”To make it more effective, man,” Shep adds. ”She’ll be tired. Besides, you might have fun at the faire.”

I don't want to risk it. Not with Philippa.

”I think we should go later… Just in case,” I suggest.

“Simon, Shepard and I aren't coming with you to the faire. You need to be alone with Philippa,” Penny says and gives Shep a pointed look that I don’t quite understand, “She might get suspicious otherwise.”

Shep clears his throat, “Yeah, dude. You should go by yourself. Penelope will be helping me with my curse anyway.”

“Precisely,” Penny states this with such an odd expression on her face. “We have so much to cover.”

Shep almost chokes on his coffee for some reason while Penny accidentally nudges me with her foot. (Possibly she kicked him by accident with her other foot?)

“You need to give Philippa the edible magickal charm when she’s tired just before leaving the faire to go back to school. Make sure to sprinkle a tad of pixie dust on,” Penny tells me with her serious voice. “It will activate the charm.”

”Then I'm certainly going later. Can you imagine a whole afternoon _alone_ with Philippa?” I shudder at the thought.

”I wish the two of you could come with,” I try not to whine.

”I’m sorry, Simon. It's our first weekend with hardly any homework. That is why we will be busy at the library,” Penny answers.

Shep gulps. ”Yeah, dude. Very busy. Penelope has been teaching me... _stuff_.”

I suppose being an American and a Normal, he does have a lot to learn about magic.

Hell, I do too. But I'm a bit too preoccupied with saving the world and spying on Baz.

”Simon, don't forget,” Penny continues. ”You’ll need to sprinkle some of it on the shortbread — just a tad.”

I nod my head slowly and exhale in relief, “That sounds easy enough.”

“And be careful with the pixie dust, Simon. Don’t use too much,” Penny warns me. “It’s important.”

“Yeah yeah. I understand.” How hard can it be?

”We've been through this already, Pen. I'll do that and walk Philippa to the Cloisters obviously, just in case”, I say. I don't think she's dangerous when she's tired. (I hope.)

Penny sighs, “I am concerned because too much pixie dust can lead to a severe headache”.

I gulp down my tea. I’m not sure I like that.

It's one thing to slay a dragon or kill a dark creature out of necessity. But this involves a harmless person, and it is the final resort. I don't want to give Philippa a headache. Even though she sure is the cause of mine. (Every day.)

”I don't want her to get hurt, Penny.”

”She won't, Simon,” Penny smiles at me. “If you do everything according to my instructions, everything will be fine, _and_ the next day Philippa won't have a crush on you anymore.”

”That's good. That's what I want.” I look around again. Baz is still not here.

”Are you already leaving?” Shep asks, surprised when I stand up. I haven't finished my breakfast yet, but I have important things to do.

”I have to find Baz to see what he's doing. I mean, what he’s plotting.”

He nods approvingly. ”Good luck with your guy then.”

”He's not _mine,_ ” I mumble bitterly. I'm tired of Shepard saying that. Frankly, I have no idea why he keeps saying that. Is it an American thing?

I must have got off the track again, because I swear I hear Shep mumble, ”Not yet.”

I shake my head.

_Concentrate, Simon._

”I should probably look for Philippa too and invite her to the faire.” I add. She nods while I shudder at the thought.

Not much scares me. But Philippa sure does. Her stalking of me is very creepy and borderline illegal, if you ask me.

”See you in class, Simon,” Penny waves me off.

I look around the dining hall once to make sure I haven’t missed Baz. But he isn't there, and I head for the classes. I wonder what Baz would wear to the faire, _if he comes to it_. No doubt he thinks the faire is too mundane of an event for him.

* * *

# SHEPARD

It's getting more difficult to sneak around.

”Maybe we should just tell Simon about us,” I suggest to Penelope.

We've been dating for two months now. I'm crazy about Penelope. Not _mad_. That means ’angry’. Weird British people…

”In Omaha, Nebraska— ” I stop because Penny is giving me _the_ look. It’d be terrifying if it weren’t so damn adorable.

”No one cares about Omaha, Nebraska, Shepard.”

I'd get _mad_ at her for that if not the whole US were acting in the same way. (At least that's not a British thing.)

”We will tell Simon when the time is right,” she states casually. I know we talked about this earlier. But I'm starting to second guess this whole situation.

Simon might not forgive us for keeping our relationship from him, and he's my bro.

”When will that be? When we're married with two kids?”

Penny rolls her eyes at me. ”Two? It's far too early for such details. We don’t have to decide right away.”

I meant that as a joke. However, I've learned a lot after spending this much time with the Speakers, _magicians_ as the Brits say. I’m pretty sure that both Penny and her family expect me to marry her.

Truthfully, even though it's a bit premature, I'm over the moon. When you know, you just know.

I fell hard for Penelope Purna Bunce.

Purna means ‘complete’ in Hindi. And that is precisely how I see Penny and how she makes me feel.

”We need Simon to sort himself out first,” Penny continues.

”Are you saying that we will tell him as soon as he gets it with Baz?” I ask.

”Well, I was thinking more about solving his situation with Philippa first. The odds of Simon figuring out his feelings to Basil in the near future are slim to none.”

Penny pauses and takes another sip of her tea. ”If only Simon could see Basil in a different light, in a more relaxed atmosphere. That could help.”

I've just got a fantastic idea.

”Leave it to me; I have to go right now.”

Penny raises her eyebrow at me. (Is that how British people communicate? Weird.)

”I'm going to make sure Baz comes to the faire.” I clarify.

”Are you sure that's a good idea?” Penny adjusts her glasses frowning, but I’d be damned if it doesn’t suit her.

I nod. ”It is. I'm 100% sure.” Because I am, it’s a foolproof plan.

”Alright then,” she finally agrees. ”How exactly are you planning to accomplish that?”

”Dev and Niall,” I say and add when Penny gives me a look. “My social skills are outstanding.”

I don’t mention that Penny might not have this particular gift herself. She is absolutely perfect in my eyes. However, she does lack when it comes to communication.

“Isn’t that how you got cursed by a demon? By using those social skills of yours,” she rolls her eyes at me.

“I am good with making friends and communicating freely with people. The demon was an unforeseeable misfortune.”

“Shepard,” Penny exclaims. “An unforeseeable misfortune is to lose your car keys. You got cursed!”

“I met you, didn’t I? So how bad could that have been anyway?”

Penelope Bunce is giving me her best evil eye. It means she loves it. (I know her well enough by now.)

”Well, good luck then,” she says and takes my hand, squeezing it. “Don’t get cursed by anyone on your way.”

I try not to roll my eyes at _her_. Penny is adorable when she’s bossy.

”I see you later at the library before we head for the faire.” I feel my cheeks burn. That's a make out date. Sometimes I still can’t believe I am that lucky. (And hopefully, Simon will be too preoccupied with Philippa and Baz to notice us.)

We weren't lying to him about needing to go to the library. But we are going to the faire after. I kiss her cheek and leave.

Eventually, I catch Niall and Dev outside of Mummers House.

”Hey guys, wait up.”

”Hi, Shep,” Niall greets me.

”His name is Shepard you imbecile,” Dev cuts in and nudges Niall’s shoulder with his own.

Niall frowns and turns to me, ”Don’t you prefer Shep? That's your nickname, is it not?”

”Yeah, man. But both are fine.”

”A nickname you say?” Dev exclaims. ”Like that time Snow started calling Basil — Baz?”

”I told you Shepard’s nickname is Shep earlier,” Niall mumbles and nudges Dev’s shoulder.

Dev scrunches his nose. ”I thought you were taking the piss.”

”Why the bloody hell would I do that?”

”Dunno…”

Those two are hilarious. Niall and Dev are constantly bickering, like an old married couple.

”Wait,” Dev exclaims. ”Did Snow give you your nickname too? Since he seems to be an expert.”

An expert? Simon gave _one_ nickname to Baz. Whatever. Even Basil is a nickname in itself. I wonder who came up with that?

”No, someone else did, back home,” I answer and hope there won't be more jokes about the US.

This whole school thinks us Americans are so funny. We’re _not_ that funny.

”I wanted to ask you guys something. Are the two of you going to the faire today?”

Dev shrugs and then glances over at Niall. ”We weren't planning on going. I thought we were going to study this afternoon with Baz.”

” You should come to the village. There is going to be a faire.  I hear it's amazing. Would be such a shame if you missed out on all the fun,” I mention matter-of-factly.

I befriended a few Normals (as the mages say), at a coffee shop in the village while waiting for Penny last weekend. 

”Amazing? A faire?” Niall asks in disbelief just as Dev says. ”We've never been to a faire. But if we go, Baz will be left alone at the library.”

Ah, these magicians seem to be less in touch with the modern world than any other magickal people I've met. They've never even been to a faire. (Penny would not know what a faire was if I hadn't told her.)

”Oh, yes. Lots of fun. And bring Baz with you,” I suggest innocently even though that is the whole reason for me approaching them.

Dev gives me an odd look. ”You want us to bring Basil?”

”Yeah, dude. Bring the handsome bastard.”

Those two exchange looks. ”Can we say to Baz that you asked us to invite him _specifically_ to the faire?” Dev asks me, and his expression is very peculiar. I'm not sure I always understand him. Is it because he's a magician or British? Or maybe both?

”For sure. Tell Baz.” I think the two of us are on friendly terms. He hasn’t told Simon anything after catching Penny and me making out yesterday.

Niall smirks, ”Splendid. We’ll be there.”

Dev nods enthusiastically. ”Yes. The _three_ of us will be there.”

”That's awesome. See you later, my dudes.”

”See you, _Shep_ ,” Niall calls after me and winks.

Dev grins. ”Baz and Shep.”

I'm not sure why he finds it so exciting that two guys at one school both have nicknames. Are nicknames not that common in Britain? I thought Dev was also a nickname...

As I walk away, I hear Dev ask, ”Do you think we can convince Basil to wear a suit for the occasion?”

”Are you completely insane?” Niall almost yells. ”He has a pair of extra snug jeans.”

”Ah, that's even better,” Dev exclaims. ”Niall, you're a genius.”

”Oh I am well aware of that, Dev.”

I hear them laugh and can't help but wonder if going to a faire would be considered that big of a deal in Britain that people dress up?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello dear reader! We are back with Chapter 4!
> 
> This chapter has a scene that can be **triggering** for someone.
> 
>  **That scene will be marked with 📌📌📌 both at the beginning and the end** , so that you can skip that part in case it is triggering. That will be the scene that describes Simon being lightheaded and tired.
> 
> Simon accidentally spills the whole pouch of pixie dust on the edible charm and ends up roofing himself. He will be lightheaded and tired. Nothing bad will happen to Simon.
> 
> He will run away from Philippa because he’s Simon. But luckily Baz sees him and will be there to take care of Simon.
> 
> * * *

# BAZ

Niall and Dev come barging into my room, suddenly very excited about the fair. (I know what that is, I am not as out of touch with the Normal world as some of my classmates are. My nanny — Vera — is a Normal. She’s taken me to fairs for years.)

“Shep insisted on you coming,” Niall tells me.

“Shep is Shepard’s nickname like the one Snow gave you,” Dev adds, as if I don’t already know that. I sneer at him. 

“Snow did not do such a thing,” I protest only out of habit. 

It _is_ true. Simon gave it to me. Not out of love...of course not. Knowing Snow, it probably took him some time to remember my whole name with all three syllables.

He despises me. But I still love that nickname more than my own name. Snow’s hate towards me notwithstanding, the nickname makes me feel closer to him. 

“But Baz—” Dev whines and I sneer again. Niall puts a hand on his shoulder. Good man.

It’s not unprecedented for Snow to say my name, but I know he avoids it, despite being the one to give me my nickname. It’s because even thinking about me makes him angry.

That is how much he hates me. My undead heart breaks a tad more at the thought. I clear my throat and try not to show the misery on my face.

“What about this thing with Shep?” I change the subject or, well, bring it back on track. Shepard’s nickname is familiar to me. Courtesy of him cornering me earlier, and insisting on being called like that. Meanwhile, he addressed me as ‘bro’ _again_.

If I have to be completely honest, I am warming up to the notion. Regardless, I am not sure why he’d want me to attend. Is this still about me catching Bunce and Shepard snogging? What more do they need from me? I’ve already promised not to tell Snow. 

“What the hell?” I yelp as Niall and Dev start rummaging through my wardrobe.

“We thought it could be fun to dress up for the faire, be festive, you know.”

“No, I do not know,” I hiss at the both of them. “It’s a fair not a Royal Ball with the Queen.”

“But Baz,” Dev whines, “While Penelope and Snow are doing whatever they do — fighting or killing someone — you could take a walk with Shepard.”

“ _Yes_ ,” Niall cuts in. “Make him feel welcome at Watford and less lonely.” 

Niall gives me a pointed look that is completely lost on me. 

“Why am I the welcome committee for exchange students all of a sudden?” I ask.

“Well, Baz,” Niall casts a glance towards Dev, “You _are_ friendly.” 

I raise my eyebrow at him. 

“When one gets to know you better, that is,” Dev smirks. “Besides you should know how exhausting it must be to spend so much time all on your own.”

I do know that of course. Not sure what they are hinting at though.

“Baz, Snow is your roommate,” Niall states as if it is supposed to explain what this is all about. “Can you imagine spending all your time around him?”

I do. In fact, I dream about it every night. Daydream too; because I am the real fool here, not Simon Snow.

Niall clears his throat. “What we are trying to say is that it can’t be easy for Shep being around or friends with the Chosen One and his sidekick — Bunce.”

I roll my eyes. Penelope Bunce is brilliant. She is no one’s sidekick. (Even if I call her that myself, out of jealousy.) 

“Exactly!” Dev shouts. “Help the poor bloke out, take a walk with Shep at the faire.”

“How can one walk help with this supposed loneliness you two are referring to?” I inquire and to be frank, I am getting confused by their behaviour. Had someone cursed my only friends?

“You never know, Baz... Maybe there will be more happening,” Niall announces excitedly. 

I have no idea why they want me to befriend Shep this much. I am also fairly sure Shepard will be too busy snogging Bunce to have time for any friendly walks at all.

However, what my attention settles the most on is that Snow is going to be at the fair. I should be able to watch him as much as I want while he’ll be preoccupied with carousels and candy.

We haven’t left it on the best of terms. Snow once again made it clear that he sees me as nothing but a monster, while I almost opened my undead heart to him. Snow was utterly pissed at me. 

Well... Perhaps those are usual terms. Regardless I need to go to the fair. No matter how much it hurts to look at Snow, I still want to. I need to get my fill of him until the day he finishes me for good.

“On the second thought, gentlemen. I do believe it is important to be welcoming to our American friend,” I try to sound casual. “I will attend, so I can spend some time with Shepard.”

“Perfect,” Niall exclaims just as Dev practically yells, “Shep will be so happy!”

Why are they so intent on making Shepard happy?

Besides, I do not believe that Shep is lonely in any way. I am fairly sure he and Bunce are going to ditch Snow at the first available opportunity.

Snow might be the lonely one.

And if I could, if he wanted that from me, I would have arranged the perfect date. With his favourite past time — a walk through the food court where he can eat anything he wants. I so enjoy watching Simon be happy and satisfied. Which coincidentally is while he’s eating. 

After, I would take Simon to the Ferris wheel and kiss him breathless on top of the carousel. 

I shake my head and try to forget my foolish and highly unrealistic dreams. I'm not certain as to why Bunce hasn't told him about her snogging session with Shep yet. I know how much she loves Snow. They are practically glued together all the time.

Another concern comes to mind. If Snow spots me at the fair, he no doubt won’t be able to leave me alone for more than five minutes. How can I watch _him_ if he’s watching me?

Perhaps Bunce wants some peace and quiet from Snow. I know how that feels like and therefore I suppose I should not judge.

I am indeed in love with Simon, but I don’t want to be followed by him, not out of hate anyway. I’d rather spend all my time being kissed by him instead of being stalked.

# SIMON

I haven't seen Baz around much since our talk two days ago. He spends his days mostly at the football pitch, practising all day. 

He manages to look elegant even after hours of practice, which, obviously, is because of his vampire stealth. I'm used to keeping an eye on him. There are nice, shady trees nearby that you can sit under and watch. Unfortunately with Philippa skulking around, I can't do that. (She is ruining my life.)

When Baz is not at the pitch he's down at the catacombs bonding with his _rate-mates._

Sometimes when I kill a dark creature I wonder if I should bring the carcass back to our room for Baz to feed.

But I don't know how to cast a body preserving spell and I doubt the Mage would approve of me dragging a dead dark creature all the way to Watford. I've thought about this entire thing only because rats are too tiny to be a proper meal and I don't want my roommate to drink my blood instead. 

That is the only reason. I don’t in any way care about Baz’s wellbeing and happiness. (I am fairly sure of that.)

After spending a few hours looking for Baz, I almost forgot that I need to find Philippa. The faire is this evening.

I wonder where she would be when she herself jumps in front of me. As the Normals say, _speak of the devil and the devil appears._

Penny says it's a very dangerous spell and could summon unknown dark things. But where did Phillipa come from? How is she so sneaky? I've only ever seen Baz do that and that is only because he’s a vampire.

“Simooonnnn,” she always drags my name, which annoys me to no end, “Were you looking for me?”

For once she is right. 

I nod, “Yes. Would you like to go to the faire with me?”

Philippa squeals in excitement. Everything she does looks very new to me, because I've never seen Agatha or Penny do those things. Well, I think Phillipa would've been a great person to hang out with if she wasn't stalking me.

She gushes out, “Of course, Simon. I was wondering if you would ever ask”. I check my trouser pocket once to make sure I have the charms safe.

“Um- let’s go then,” I mumble unsure how to act. What if Philippa will think it’s a date?

We've been wondering around the faire for a while now and I'm starting to get hungry. I wanted to visit all the food stands while she is only interested in some kind of trinkets and is never hungry — _at all._

I haven't seen Baz yet. It's difficult to look for him with Philippa dragging me to all kinds of boring places all the time. Philippa let’s go of my arm she’s been clinging onto and goes to look at a stall which looks like it sells some sort of ornaments. 

It's almost evening, just before the sunset. The Village looks astonishingly stunning at this time of the day and I'm always awed at how surreal it feels. These are the times that I pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming.

I'm starving so I take out the tiny pouch with charms and try to pull open the strings that are keeping the bag closed.

Penny insisted on putting two charms inside the pouch instead of one because she thought I might get hungry and want to eat it. She was not wrong. _Penny is always right._ and I’m so grateful for it at the moment.

The knots are secured in such a way that even I, who can unbuckle a seat belt while fighting a goblin, couldn't open it if I didn't try hard enough. I pull open the strings after working on it for a while.

Phillipa is still inside the shop, guess she met up with her friends. I take out the shortbreads. One charm wouldn't be enough to satisfy my hunger, maybe two could work but I cannot fail the plan.

Penny would most certainly murder me if I did. Or she’d curse me. I put the shortbread on the palm of my hand and take out the pixie dust from my other pocket. It's very transparent and could not be noticed if not observed properly. 

It's a perfect coincidence that I'm a very observant person. I sprinkle some of the pixie dust on. Still, the shortbread doesn't look like it has anything on top of it at all, so I decide to sprinkle some more just to be sure.

As I start to measure the second dose of pixie dust I see Baz strolling around lazily with his minions. His shirt is only loosely half tucked into his trousers and that bastard still manages to look elegant instead of looking like he just came out of bed. 

Baz is wearing this short sleeved shirt today, which he only wears on weekends. His arms look gorgeous in it, his muscles flexing when he moves his hands.

Baz could probably be a model if he wasn't too serious about his studies. Maybe he could still be a model, because there is nothing he can't do.

He's extra pretty today. Baz's eyes catch mine and for a fraction of a second it looks like he is going to smile at me before his lips curl in a familiar way.

He sneers instead: “Look at you, Snow, always with a snack in hand. Could you possibly go an hour without eating something?”

Before he could see what I'm up to, I dump some pixie dust on a lavender charm and put it back inside the pouch.

“Sod off, Baz,” I bark at him. “Why are you even here? I thought you were too posh to come to a fair."

It's true Baz never comes to events like this. He only attends balls at Watford where he can dress up in his posh clothes and show off that he's richer than the whole school combined. 

I mean I didn't know there was a fair in the city. I've never even been to one. They don't let you do those things at the care homes. And I never had any money anyway. 

Well. That's not exactly true. I have an entire bag of leprechaun’s gold—a big, duffel-sized bag, and it only disappears if you try to give it to other magicians. But I never took it to the Normal bank.

No doubt the Mage wouldn't approve. He thinks riches are bad and everyone needs to be poor like him. Except Penny says he has very high income from both being the headmaster of our school and the leader of the Coven. 

I guess the Mage uses all his money for good, giving it to the poor. Although when I think about it, I'm the only poor magician in the whole World of Mages. The rest of them are filthy rich — they eat food every day of the year.

“I'm honoured that you keep track of my attendance, Snow,” Baz goes on, his voice filled with poison. “I was having fun until I saw _you_.” Then he gives me the filthiest smirk.

“I wanted a single moment of peace and quiet without you begging me to be your _boyfriend._ ”

My throat goes dry and I feel my cheeks catch fire. Why does Baz hate me so much?

“ _Fake_ boyfriend,” I mumble but I doubt he cares what I have to say. Baz rolls his eyes.

“Whatever Snow," he waves his hand and walks off.

I watch him go. He's wearing jeans. Dark. And snug from his waist to his ankles without looking tight.

My heart starts to pound like crazy. I make a fist and shake my head; trying to concentrate less on Baz in jeans and more on what he said. 

Yeah, whatever. Who cares that Baz doesn’t want to be my boyfriend. I mean, _fake_ boyfriend. I don't need him. I have magic to help me. And if something goes wrong I'll ask Penny and Shepard for help. 

Instead of fretting why Baz looks so good while walking or how those jeans should probably be illegal, I get back to business. I take a look inside the pouch, I put both of the shortbreads inside together. 

Now which one have I already sprinkled with pixie dust? I try to find the right one but the pixie dust is too transparent and light, making both charms look alike. 

I use my fingertips to feel the surface of the charm for any remnant of dust, but it looks like the charm has absorbed it already. Penny didn't mention this part to me.

Should I lick the charm to find the difference? Would they taste different? 

This is all Baz’s fault! He always finds a way to ruin my plan just by existing — especially when he is doing it in a pair of snug jeans, as it turns out. I can’t think properly when he’s nearby with his posh hair and his smell and his footballer’s legs. He’s too distracting.

Just as I'm about to put the charms back inside the bag and find Penny, so that she can identify the right one, I see Phillipa twirling inside the store.

“Simooooon is that for me?" Philippa asks from inside of the shop and points to my hands with excitement. I'm still confused but she comes over and takes one charm from my hand before I could find out which one is sprinkled with pixie dust.

“Yeah… sure,” I tell her after the fact. Well, that gives me only one option and I’m hungry after all. Something is better than nothing and I don't mind taking the risk. I put the other one into my mouth and start chewing. It smells like flowers; lavender probably, and has a buttery sweet taste. 

If I have to be entirely honest it’s not as good as sour cherry scones. (Nothing is.) But lavender shortbread is probably on my top fifty favourite foods list. Penny says I need to reduce my list to at least ten.I doubt that’s possible, but I'm trying to at least bring the list down to twenty-five items.

“Shortbread is delicious,” Philippa speaks with food in her mouth. It’s not very attractive. “It tastes better than sour cherry scones.”

Well if there was only one reason as to why Philippa and I are _not_ meant to be, it’d be this.

“Nothing is more delicious than sour cherry scones,” I argue.

She rolls her eyes at me. “You have bad taste.”

 _Not true. I have great taste,_ I want to tell her but something catches my attention.

📌📌📌

I realize that the small pouch with pixie dust is completely empty. I must have accidentally poured all of it on the charm while looking at Baz. 

Oh Merlin, I start panicking since I’m also noticing that I am feeling a bit sleepy. But then Philippa yawns too. If she is getting tired then it must mean the pixie dust doing its job on her. I sigh in relief and I try to look at where Philippa is pointing amongst the crowd. 

It's a bit sunny and hot and I'm finding it pretty hard to focus with all the noise around me.

“Simon, look at Baz over there, he’s wearing a flower crown, he looks so silly,” Philippa exclaims and points her finger.

"What? Where? Where is Baz?" I need to find him. I need to look at him. (In case he’s plotting something.)

It takes a minute but then I see him. Baz doesn't look silly — he looks _beautiful_. I bet he's wearing the crown ironically, but even if not, he's very handsome with flowers in his hair. 

The sun is hitting his face from all the right angles, forming a halo around his head. I know Baz doesn't like it when it's sunny, that’s why he flinches when the light hits his face directly. But that doesn't make him look any less elegant and eternally gorgeous.

Who gave him a flower crown? I need to know but I'm getting lightheaded. Why am I feeling dizzy? I look over at Phillipa and she seems to be doing fine. Even dancing around and twirling.

A hard realisation hits me — I ate the pixie dust by mistake. This pixie dust sure is strong. At least when using the whole pouch. I start feeling too sleepy to stand my ground. It always reminds me of Baz's crazy aunt — Fiona. She once spelled my feet to the ground with **Stand your ground** ). I think I need to sleep.

Phillipa’s voice comes from afar, _"Simon, Simon what’s happening? Do you need some water? Are you feeling okay? Are you hungry?"_

Even though I am tired I am aware of one important issue — Philippa. I need to get away from her as soon as possible. 

“Yes,” I mumble sleepily.

“Do you want me to bring you some food?” she asks.

“Yes, from that stand by the entrance,” I say.

“The one that always has a long line?” Philippa scratches her nose in disappointment.

“Yeah, that one. They have the best food. Get me anything you want,” I tell her and fish out some money I had in my pocket.

“That’s okay. I have enough money,” Philippa says and refuses to take any money from me. 

“I'll be back soon, _Simooon_ ,” she shrieks and runs away.

Thank magic. I hurry away, stumbling. My feet can hardly hold me up anymore. I dive into a different street as soon as possible. There's a bench in my eyesight that I’m trying to reach.

📌📌📌

# BAZ

I see Snow walking alone, he seems off, very off. Something is not right. He looks tired. Sleepy. And he's pulling his hair in a way that makes me fear that he'll go bald even before he faces the Humdrum.

There's no one around Snow. I can’t help but wonder if he ran away from Phillipa Stainton and that is the reason for his unusual behaviour.

He's always been doing that. Snow is running away from her as much as I run away from him. Except I do it because I’m in love with him and can’t deal with his accusations. 

I do my best to ignore him as long as I can. 

But then he starts yawning and looks around like he's trying to find a place to sleep. That stops me right in my tracks. What’s happening? 

I find myself walking towards him, because it seems that my stupid heart cannot watch Snow in distress.

I reach him just as he finds a bench to lie down on. But he's Simon, so he slips and almost falls down instead. I catch him just in time, hold him up and help him sit down on the bench.

Before I can ask what he's up to, he puts his head on my shoulder, his curls brush against my cheek. I think my heart would skip a beat if I were alive.

Simon and I have never been in such close proximity. Whenever anything physical happened between us it has always been due to a fight.

“What happened?” I ask and try and shake him a bit, to see if he’s alright. His hand is so close to mine that we are practically touching. 

“I took some charm because I wanted to escape Philippa Stainton,” he says, his fingers curl around my hand. My insides go cold. I'm terrified Simon was trying to kill himself. I brush his knuckles and squeeze his hand lightly, not letting him go. 

“Simon, you are too precious to put yourself in harm’s way,” I tell him, tucking his head under my chin.

His hand twitches in mine and I realise he must have dozed off for a minute. 

“Penny had this brilliant idea to use a reverse love potion on Philippa,” his lips move slightly and he speaks in a sleepy drowsy voice. I am familiar with this spell — it requires an edible charm. (Unfortunately, it only works for a simple crush, not actual love.)

“What does this have to do with anything?” 

“It backfired because I ate the charm myself, and I accidentally poured all the pixie dust on it and got very tired.”

Simon wasn’t trying to harm himself. I exhale in relief. 

“Oh Simon,” I whisper softly. “You could have just talked to Philippa instead of going to such extremes.”

“Talking wouldn’t have helped,” Simon shakes his head and his curls tickle my skin. “This was the only option so she’ll finally leave me alone.”

I am fairly sure there are more options than that. But before I get to say it, he nuzzles into the crook of my neck. I’d be swooning if we weren’t seated on the bench.

“You have no idea how difficult it is to have someone stalk you day and night,” Snow complains, and squeezes my hand.

“No, I wouldn’t know what that feels like.” It’s a struggle not to roll my eyes.

“Exactly,” he chimes in even though I was clearly sarcastic. “But I do and it’s a living nightmare.”

Aleister Crowley, he is exceedingly thick. And lovely. And he clearly needs my help.

Of course I will be his fake boyfriend if that's what he needs. I'd do anything to keep him safe.

This idiot might not have tried to hurt himself today but he undoubtedly will do so on accident. Unless I help him. 

Even if pretending to be together with Snow will break my undead heart and curse it to eternal misery since he will never love me back. I still want to help. I am however worried. If I agree right off the bat, surely even Snow will realize that I'm in love with him. 

What I need is to find a nice trade instead. Something clever so Snow will never suspect he’s the love of my life, my reason to wake up every morning.

I need to ask him for… 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! come say hi to us on tumblr [satsukii(anawkwardbibliophile)](https://satsukii.tumblr.com/)  
> [sharing-a-room-with-an-open-fire](https://sharing-a-room-with-an-open-fire.tumblr.com/) we love making new friends :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. 😎  
>   
> You can find us on Tumblr and say hi, we're friendly —  
> [satsukii (anawkwardbibliophile)](http://satsukii.tumblr.com) and [sharing-a-room-with-an-open-fire ](http://sharing-a-room-with-an-open-fire.tumblr.com).  
>   
> 


End file.
